April 10:
Jim’s parents, Dana and Peter, flew in from Ohio for a celebratory dinner tonight. I want to emphasize how completely different the Matchetts are from the Manousakises. My parents (mostly my mother) are really hyper, turn everything into a big deal, and pick on every little thing I do. In contrast, Jim’s parents are completely nice and laid back about everything. He says I’m just idealizing them because I don’t know them like he does, but even he has to admit that my parents are orders of magnitude crazier than his.
Jim left a little early from work to pick his parents up at San Francisco airport and I was home by the time he got back. When Dana saw me, her eyes lit up and she practically crushed me in a hug. Her perfume made my eyes water slightly. “Congratulations, sweetheart!” she said. She took a step back to look at me and her eyes were filled with tears. “I’m so happy for you two.”
She doesn’t have to convince me. Jim told me that his mother has been dying for him to get married for the last 5-6 years, since his younger brother tied the knot. I think part of it was that she sensed that Jim wanted to get married and she felt bad it wasn’t happening for him. Jim is an anomaly in that he really likes the idea of settling down with a wife and kids. I guess that’s his upbringing and also what his brothers did.
“I knew you were going to get married,” Dana said smugly. “When I first met you, I said to Peter, ‘This is the girl my Jimmy is going to marry.’ Didn’t I say that, Peter?”
“Yeah, but you said that about every girl Jim had dated,” Peter said.
Dana gasped in horror. “I did not!” She looked at me in confidence. “They were all awful, Tessie. You were the first good one.”
Jim rolled his eyes. “All right, Mom. We get it. I dated a bunch of losers before Tessie.”
Dana then denied that was what she had been trying to say. I guess Jim’s right that his mother can be a little annoying. But she’s still light years better than my mother.
Unfortunately, my mother was a hot topic of conversation during dinner. Dana just didn’t understand why my mother was so angry about my marrying Jim. I think Peter got it, but he was keeping his mouth shut. “What did you say to Tessie’s mother to offend her so much?” Dana asked Jim.
“Nothing,” he said. “I was a perfect gentleman.”
Dana looked at me for confirmation. “He was,” I admitted.
“Maybe I should call her?” Dana suggested. “Try to smooth things over?”
“I don’t think that will work,” Jim said.
“So why doesn’t she like you?” Dana asked, baffled. “Everyone likes my Jimmy.”
Jim and I exchanged glances. I really didn’t understand why his mother couldn’t figure this one out. It was pretty obvious.
“Mom,” he said slowly. “Tessie’s mother doesn’t want her to marry me because I’m in a wheelchair.”
Dana’s eyes widened like this had never even occurred to her. “No… is that true?”
I nodded.
This revelation seemed to really upset Jim’s mother. She sat back in her chair, looking really troubled. She barely touched her food after that and ignored her husband and son’s lighthearted attempts to cheer her up. She just seemed really sad. She was polite enough, but she really seemed to have lost interest in celebrating.
The whole thing made me feel really bad. Dana has always been so nice to me and loved me from the moment we met, and it’s not like I’m wonderful or perfect or anything. I’m embarrassed for my mother’s behavior. It’s just insulting.
Unlike my own parents, the Matchetts were totally fine with the fact that Jim and I were living together. He opened up the couch for them to sleep, which was a teeny bit uncomfortable but it was only two nights.
While I was getting ready for sleep in our bedroom, I overheard Jim and his mother talking right outside the door. I don’t think Dana is capable of talking quietly, so I was able to hear her very well, even through the door. I had to strain a bit to hear Jim.
“Mom, please don’t feel bad about this,” Jim was saying. “Really, I’m fine.”
“It just makes me so upset,” Dana replied. “That someone could judge you and dislike you just because you can’t walk. You’re such a sweet and wonderful person.”
“I’m not THAT sweet and wonderful,” Jim said. I couldn’t help but smile.
“And you know she’s going to try to talk Tessie into canceling the engagement,” Dana said. “That’s what mothers do.”
“That’s what mothers do?”
“You know what I mean, Jim,” she said.
“Tessie and I love each other,” Jim said. “We’re going to get married. Her mother can’t stop us.”
“I hope you’re right, sweetheart.”
“I am,” he said, but it struck me that he didn’t sound completely sure of himself.
A few minutes later, Jim wheeled into our bedroom. He looked really spent, but he managed to flash me a weary smile. “Sorry about my mother,” he said.
“You’re the last person who should be apologizing for your mother,” I pointed out.
He smiled at me again and my heart fluttered. I remembered the uncertainty in his voice when he reassured his mother that I wouldn’t be convinced to break off the engagement. I walked over to him, sat down in his lap, put my arms around his neck, and kissed him deeply on the lips. When we separated, he was grinning. “What was that for?”
“That was for being the most wonderful fiancé in the world,” I said.
I started kissing his neck and worked my way up to his earlobes. Of all the places I can put my lips, I think his earlobes are the money spot. If I want Jim to writhe and squirm, all I need to do is suck on his earlobes. Within seconds, he was moaning and his eyes were watering. “Tessie, my parents are in the next room,” he managed to say.
“So they’ll be happy for you,” I said.
He couldn’t argue with that.
April 14:
Dieting is hard. Quite a revelation, I know.
It’s especially hard when you’re in the relatively early stages of a relationship and want to go out to eat a lot. Restaurant portions are huge and god knows how much fat the dishes have. If we go to a restaurant, the only thing that’s safe for me to get is a salad with no dressing. Which is obviously really delicious and filling.
We went out to dinner tonight and I got my dressing-free salad. Jim doesn’t usually order food that’s specifically meant to be healthy, but I think he just tends to like food that’s healthier for some reason. He very rarely eats red meat and he genuinely likes vegetables. He’s someone who could just eat a whole plate of vegetables and find that satisfying. He eats whatever he wants but usually that food isn’t as bad as what I’d get if I were eating whatever I wanted.
When my salad arrived, he made a face at me. “Is that all you’re going to eat?”
“Yes.”
“It’s just lettuce,” he pointed out.
“No, there are little tomato slices in it,” I said.
“Wouldn’t you like some actual food?”
“I’m on a diet,” I said through my teeth.
“Still?”
I sighed.
“I don’t get it, Tessie,” he said. “You look great.”
“I want to lose weight for the wedding,” I said.
He shrugged. “Either way, you’re going to look better than me.”
He always makes comments like that, like he’s somehow disgusting. I know he doesn’t have a great body and he’s in a wheelchair, but he’s at least good looking. He must realize that. “That’s not true,” I said.
He rolled his eyes. “Come on, Tessie. Objectively speaking, I think you’re obviously more attractive than I am.”
He said it so matter-of-factly, like I would be an idiot for even questioning his statement. He really seemed to believe it. I guess I should feel happy I’m marrying a guy who thinks I’m so attractive, even if it’s not objectively true.
April 17:
Jim’s friends took us out to celebrate our engagement tonight. It was his two married friends, Dave and Gordon, with their wives Sue and Michelle, then his single friend Stephen, who came alone. They are all really nice guys, although if we were in high school, I would definitely have been sitting at the nerdy table. Since we’re adults though, they were just a bunch of successful, decent guys.
Everyone kept toasting Jim and making a really big deal over the whole thing. Stephen brought up the idea of a bachelor party, which Jim quickly said he didn’t want. I don’t know if he was just saying that because of me, but I wasn’t going to push him into a bachelor party. I’ve seen enough movies to know that nothing good ever happens at a bachelor party. Seems like that there’s a fifty-fifty chance that Jim would end up marrying the stripper.
“Are you going to have a bridal shower, Tessie?” Sue asked me.
“Um,” I said.
“You totally should!” Michelle exclaimed. “We can make her one, right, Sue?”
“Yes, definitely!” Sue said.
I didn’t know how to tell the girls that I wasn’t really excited about the idea of a party thrown just in my honor. And who would I invite? I barely knew Sue and Michelle.
The guys kept toasting us and we were all getting pretty drunk, except for the designated drivers, Jim and Sue (who is also pregnant). Jim had one beer and stopped, which I was kind of disappointed about, considering I was getting pretty buzzed and feeling quite amorous. I kept looking at Jim, comparing him to his friends, and man, he is so much better looking than any of them. All right, he’s in a wheelchair. Dave probably won on best body. But Jim was by far the cutest, even taking that into account.
At some point, I slid into Jim’s lap. He looked surprised, but pleased. “Hello there,” he said to me.
“Hello yourself,” I said as I ran my hands through his short hair and kissed him. Usually I’m way too self-conscious for that kind of public display of affection, but the alcohol was making me not care.
“All right, you two,” Stephen said. “Calm down. The festivities aren’t over yet.”
“Yes, they are,” Jim said as he went back to kissing me.
“No, we rented a movie,” Gordon said. “We got Jim’s favorite movie.”
That statement got Jim’s attention. He pulled away from me and stared at his friends, looking a little nervous. “What movie?”
I was curious too. I never asked Jim what his favorite movie was. We went to the movies a lot and seemed to have pretty similar taste.
“It’s Star Trek: Nemesis,” Gordon said.
I nearly choked. “That’s your favorite movie?”
“That’s not my favorite movie,” Jim said through his teeth. He looked at me. “It’s not.”
“It totally is,” Stephen said.
“He loves that movie,” Dave piped in.
“You guys are dicks,” Jim said, making a face.
Sue laughed. “Come on, Jim. You can admit you like Star Trek. Tessie isn’t going to dump you.”
I hugged him. “It’s okay. You can watch the movie.”
Jim tried to insist he didn’t want to see the movie again, but the other guys were adamant. I’ve never seen Star Trek before in any way, shape, or form, and I really didn’t have much desire to now. But I got the feeling that the guys were really excited about it and I didn’t want to spoil that. Sue whispered in my ear that we could hang out in the kitchen.
I teased Jim a little about it during the drive to his apartment. “I can’t believe you like Star Trek,” I said. “That’s so geeky!”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he said with a grin.
“So who is better, Captain Kirk or Captain Picard?”
“I know you’re teasing me,” he said. “But I’m going to have to go with Captain Picard. I always preferred the Next Generation.”
“Have you ever gone to a Star Trek convention?”
“Ummm… maybe….”
I started giggling. “Oh my god, you have! You’re such a geek!”
“Okay, okay,” he laughed. “You got me. But I swear, I’ve never dressed up. I have my limits.”
“I don’t know if I believe that…”
He shook his head. “Worf in a wheelchair? Not so much. I don’t want to look like a complete idiot, thank you very much.”
“Who’s Worf?”
He blushed. “Never mind.”
I giggled again. “So do your buddies dress up?”
Jim grinned. “Stephen does. He goes to every nerd meeting you can imagine, always in costume. That’s why we like him, because he makes us feel like less of a geek by comparison.”
“That’s quite a feat,” I commented.
“Hmm. Is there any chance you’re drunk enough that you won’t remember this conversation in the morning?”
I continued to give him kind of a hard time, but actually, it was sort of cute. Most guys are so obsessed with being cool. It was kind of refreshing. It was also cute how embarrassed he got over the whole thing.
As I guessed, the girls hung out in Jim’s kitchen while the guys watched the Star Trek movie. It was kind of stereotypical, but I didn’t mind. Michelle got some Bailey’s Irish Cream out and made the two of us drinks, while the guys had beers. I hesitated, thinking I was going to be hungover tomorrow, but then figured what the hell.
“I’m so happy for you guys,” Michelle said almost tearfully as she sipped her drink. I think she was kind of drunk. “I can’t believe you’re getting married.”
“Yeah,” I said, because what do you say to something like that.
“Jim is such a great guy,” Sue said. “You’re going to be so happy together.”
“And that ring…” Michelle sighed. She looked down sadly at her own ring.
I wanted to tell them that they didn’t need to sell me on Jim, that I was already marrying him. But actually, I kind of liked hearing how wonderful my fiancé is.
Our guests left around 1AM, except for Stephen, who had parked at Jim’s apartment complex but was too drunk to drive himself home. Everyone else lived in the opposite direction from him, so Stephen was about to call a cab but then Jim asked me if it was okay to let Stephen crash on the couch. Honestly, it wasn’t. But I said it was, because I wanted to be a cool girlfriend, who was okay with my boyfriend’s buddy crashing on the couch.
I don’t really like Stephen. Whereas Jim is a cute nerd, Stephen is one of those guys who’s just detached himself from the rest of humanity. I’ve met him three times and every single time, he’s wearing a computer-related T-shirt. Like tonight he was wearing a Firefox browser T-shirt. I don’t think Jim even owns a computer-related T-shirt (thank god) and even if he did, I think he’d have the sense not to wear it. I can totally see Stephen dressing up as characters from Star Trek or Lord of the Rings or some other geeky movie.
But one thing that I DO like about Stephen is that… well, he makes me feel desirable. He compliments me and says things to Jim to indicate that he’s jealous of his relationship with me. Jim told me once that Stephen hasn’t had a girlfriend in at least two years, maybe longer. He also said that Stephen is kind of pissed off that Jim picks up girls more easily than he does, considering Jim is disabled. Jim said he tried taking his friend to a bar to give him pointers, but it was hopeless. Anyway, it makes me feel good that someone could actually be envious of Jim for having me as a girlfriend.
Jim got ready for bed first, while I sat on the living room sofa with Stephen, making awkward conversation. He was slurring his speech a bit and was pretty clearly drunk. I was a medium amount drunk by now. A little buzzed, but thinking pretty normally. Actually, what I was thinking was that hopefully Jim wasn’t too tired to fool around tonight.
“So… you work in computers?” I said to Stephen.
“Yeah, I’m a programmer,” he said. “A code monkey, basically.”
“Oh,” I said.
Painful. Awkward. Where was Jim?
“You’re an actuary, right?” he asked me.
“Right,” I said.
“Jim told me,” he said. “He talks about you a lot.”
That made me smile, at least.
“I can’t believe you’re marrying him,” Stephen said.
It was the same statement Michelle made earlier, but I didn’t like the way he said it. His tone was almost disparaging. “What do you mean?”
Stephen shrugged. “Dunno. Just surprising.”
“Why?”
“Girls generally don’t want to commit to him,” he said. “You know, because he’s in a wheelchair.”
“It doesn’t bother me,” I said.
Stephen snorted.
My face turned red. “What?”
“Nothing, just that…”
“WHAT?”
He looked me in the eyes. His were kind of a muddy brown. “I think you want to get married to somebody, and you’re settling for Jim. But I don’t think that’s what you really want.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Maybe from my mother, but not from one of Jim’s closest friends. “That’s not true.”
“You hesitated.”
“No, I didn’t.”
I hadn’t even realized that Stephen had slid closer to me on the sofa. His knee was nearly touching mine. “You’re into me, aren’t you?” he said.
“What?”
“I can tell,” he said.
I was ready to tell him he was out of his fucking mind when out of nowhere he kissed me. The bastard KISSED me. Or at least, he tried. I let him for about half a second, just because I was so shocked. As soon as I realized what was going on, I pulled away and slapped him. I have never slapped a man in my life and it was just instinctive. No man had ever tried to kiss me without my permission before.
And of course, it had to be at that very minute that Jim was coming out of the bathroom. Or maybe he’d been there for longer, waiting to see what would happen. In any case, he saw the whole thing, which made me doubly grateful I slapped Stephen.
“What the FUCK was that?” Jim growled at Stephen. I looked at Jim, and oh my god, he looked pissed. I’ve seen Jim angry before, but like I’ve said, it’s more of a laid back angry. Even when my mom started in on him, he didn’t completely lose his temper. But now he looked SO angry. His face was bright red. And I couldn’t blame him, really, although it made me think of Sandra’s comment about how Jim wasn’t immune to jealousy.
“Look, I’m sorry, man,” Stephen said, rising from the couch drunkenly.
“You tried to kiss my fucking girlfriend?!” That’s another thing about Jim: he doesn’t curse much. So his repeated use of the word “fuck” was making me think he was mindblowingly angry.
“I said I’m sorry,” Stephen said, as if that made it better.
“Get the fuck out,” Jim said.
“All right,” Stephen said, swaying as he fumbled for his cell phone. “Let me call a cab.”
“No, NOW. Get the fuck out NOW, you fucking piece of shit!”
Stephen’s eyes widened and I think it got through his head finally that he did something really bad and Jim looked like he wanted to murder him. I mean, a fistfight wasn’t going to break out, probably mostly because I don’t think Jim is physically capable of it. But I think if he could have gotten in a good punch, Stephen would have a black eye by now.
Even after Stephen left, Jim was fuming about how he was never going to speak to him again. I think he meant it. I tried to tell him that Stephen was really drunk and probably didn’t know what he was doing.
“I’m so sorry, Tessie,” Jim said to me. “I can’t believe I invited that asshole into our house. I knew he liked you but I didn’t think he’d…”
“It’s okay,” I said quickly. “Don’t worry about it.”
Jim kissed me so tenderly that it almost made me want to cry. I could tell he felt really bad about what happened. I’m so glad I’m marrying Jim instead of someone like Stephen. To be totally honest, Stephen’s the kind of guy I always thought I’d end up with.
April 18:
Stephen was calling a bunch of times yesterday and today, but Jim won’t even speak to him. I feel really bad about the whole thing, because I know they were good friends before. I don’t want their friendship to fall apart over ME. That’s crazy.
Jim said that what Stephen did was unforgivable. I remember his family told me that he really holds a grudge and I guess they were right. Still, I hope he changes his mind and decides to forgive Stephen.