Dec 6:
I know I am going to sound crazy saying this, but I am beginning to think that Jim's cleaning woman has a crush on him.
Her name is Lucy and she comes to clean every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, plus alternate Saturday mornings. She makes the bed, does laundry, dusts stuff, cleans the floors, and even makes him some meals that he can microwave later. She also does his grocery shopping. She's a nursing student in college, but I'm fairly sure she doesn't do anything nursing-related for him. At least, nothing he'll admit to.
Anyway, Lucy is maybe 20 years old and has blond hair and is very cute. Moreover, she is always prancing around in these little tight jeans. She looks great in them. Even I'm a little turned on, so I'm thinking Jim must really appreciate this.
I see her sometimes when I'm over at Jim's apartment on Saturday mornings. She's pretty nice, I guess. It just seems like the two of them flirt an awful lot. For example, a week ago, she told him that she was interested in buying a new laptop computer and asked if he could give her any advice. When she said that, his eyes completely lit up. Jim loves anything dealing with computers.... he's a total computer nerd, which is why he's so great at his job.
"Oh man, you're going to be sorry you asked me," he said, as he got on his own computer and started bringing up models for her to look at. They ended up spending at least an hour looking at computers, with him explaining the specs for each one.
And then yesterday Lucy was there at night instead of during the day because she had some exam scheduled in the morning. I came in with Jim and she was just finishing up cleaning his bedroom. "I'm almost done," she said.
"Bang up job," he told her. "You got any plans for tonight, Lucy?"
"There's a big party on campus," she said. "And I'm running late. Actually, I was wondering if you'd mind if I changed clothes in your bathroom so I don't have to go back to my room?"
Jim OK'd Lucy changing in the bathroom. We were trying to decide what to order for dinner when she came out wearing the skimpiest, sexiest costume I've ever seen. I was totally shocked. I felt like a 60 year old prude by comparison. I looked over at Jim and his jaw was on the floor.
"How do I look?" she asked, doing a little spin.
"Christ," Jim said. "Lucy, do your parents know you dress like that? I think I'm going to have to give them a call."
Lucy giggled and touched his shoulder. "Do you want to come to the party? I'm sure it would be cool with my friends."
Jim shook his head. "No, I think by the looks of you, I am way, way too old for this party. I might have a heart attack if I went. But have fun. Remember: liquor before beer, you're in the clear."
He was still shaking his head after she had left. He looked over at me, "So Tessie, do you think you can get a copy of that dress for yourself?"
I made a face. "You think she's pretty?"
He shrugged.
"She has a crush on you, you know."
Jim laughed. "Tessie, are you serious? She's 20 years old. I feel like an old man just looking at her."
I felt a little embarrassed, but I wasn't about to let this go so easily. I didn't like the idea of a pretty maid flouncing around my boyfriend in skimpy little outfits. "She was flirting."
"It's adorable that you're jealous," Jim said. "But trust me, she doesn't have a crush on me. She thinks of me like an uncool older brother. Or worse, a dad." I gave him a skeptical look. "Look, she's always telling me about men she dates, asking my advice. Right now, she likes some guy named Quentin who has a blue goatee. Seriously. How could I make something like that up?"
He spent a good fifteen minutes trying to convince me, although I think he was amused that I was jealous. He even said, "I'm flattered you think a hot 20 year old would want me so badly." He seemed kind of baffled, but you know, he's very charming. Maybe Lucy doesn't want to marry him or anything, but I definitely think she thinks he's cute. I mean, how could she not?
To be honest, this jealousy thing is kind of new to me. I never was in a relationship long enough to seriously worry about other women. I don't really like feeling jealous. I guess I need to make an effort to stop. I mean, so what if Lucy has a crush on Jim? He doesn't seem interested in her, so that's good enough for me. There, no more jealousy.
Dec 7:
I have to admit something: I love having a boyfriend.
Not that I’ve never had a boyfriend before. I have. Sort of. I mean, there have been guys that I’ve dated for periods of months. I think my longest relationship ever has been seven months. It’s sort of embarrassing to admit that I’m thirty years old and I’ve never dated anyone longer than seven months.
The guy I dated for seven months was named Mark and he was a banker and about eight years older than me. He wasn’t awful looking, I guess, but I wasn’t particularly attracted to him either. Especially not compared with Jim. He was also sort of a dick to me through the entire relationship. Like, I could never get him to call me when I wanted him to. If I asked him to call me, it was like he’d make a point to wait a week not to call. He was mega commitment-phobic and I remember when I introduced him to Sandra as my boyfriend, he completely freaked out and said that he wasn’t my boyfriend. Honestly, I’m not sure how it lasted seven months between us.
Anyway, as I was saying, it is great having a boyfriend. A real boyfriend, who isn’t embarrassed to say I’m his girlfriend. I have someone to go to dinner with, to see movies with, to go to sleep with at night. I never realized how lonely I was until I found Jim.
I know I’m gushing, but it’s really amazing. I totally feel blessed.
Dec 9:
My mother called me last night. She hasn't called me since Thanksgiving, which is some kind of record for her. She generally calls me nightly or at least every night. It's really strange for her to not call for two weeks. I guess she was pretty upset about me dating Jim.
As soon as we got on the phone, she immediately started in about Tina's pregnancy. I think her friends must be sick of hearing about it, so that's why she gave in and called me. I might like my younger sister better if I didn't have to hear how wonderful she is all the time. When she was first dating the wonderful Theo, I had to hear about that all the time, then about her engagement and the wedding plans. I then got to be a bridesmaid in Tina's ridiculously extravagant wedding. Tina's friends are all gorgeous so I stuck out like a sore thumb in the hideous purple dress that was cut for someone twenty pounds lighter than I was.
And now I have to hear all about her pregnancy. Every time that baby kicks, I'm going to have to hear about it. It's going to be painful. I've been dreading Tina's pregnancy forever, thinking I was going to feel like such a huge loser when my little sister was having a kid and I didn't even have a boyfriend. But now that I have Jim, it's not quite as bad.
I waited for my mother to mention Jim, but she didn't. So I guess the game now is pretending like he doesn't exist and hoping we'll break up. All right, it could be worse, I guess.
Dec 14:
Jim and I just got back from a weekend in Las Vegas. No, we didn't get hitched.
We were talking one night and he was completely shocked that I had lived in California my whole life and never gone to Vegas. I didn't think it was all that shocking, considering Vegas isn't that fun before age 21, and it's only been nine years since then. Actually, it kind of got me wondering how many times Jim had been to Vegas and exactly what he'd be doing there.
Anyway, we made arrangements to fly to Vegas. Jim really wanted to drive, but it was just way too far. He told me when he gambles, he usually goes to Reno, which is closer, but he really wanted me to see Vegas. I found it mildly disturbing when he said how often he'd been to Reno. I had no idea Jim gambled so much. Considering the pack of losers I dated in the last ten years or so, several of them appeared to have a gambling problem. One of them was calling up his bookie in the middle of our second date. I mean, if you can't get through a two hour date without placing a bet, I think that's a problem.
So as I was saying, we booked tickets to fly to Vegas after Jim looked at a map and couldn't figure out any way to drive there in a reasonable amount of time. He loves to drive, which is weird to me, since that's how he got hurt. I think part of it is that California is so accessible to cars, but not so much to guys in wheelchairs, so when he's driving, he doesn't have to worry about looking for ramps or little blue wheelchair signs. I kind of feel the same way about driving, since nobody can really see me or knows what I look like. Yet I still don't love to drive.
I convinced Jim to let me pay for my own plane ticket. It was not easy because he really wants to pay for everything. I think he dated a lot of girls who didn't have any money or something, but I can pay for my plane ticket and my food and it's not a big deal. I make good money.
When we got to the airport, I found out why Jim hates to fly so much. He basically has to check his wheelchair like luggage. The stewardess ended up having to wheel him to his seat in this tiny little chair. I asked Jim if they ever lost his wheelchair during a flight, because I've lost my bags a bunch of times, and he just made a face at me. Finally, he admitted that a few years ago when he was coming back from Ohio to visit his parents, his wheelchair went to Alaska.
Jim was kind of stuck in his seat through the plane ride, but luckily, it was a very short ride. We caught a cab to our hotel and I almost died when I saw the room. Whatever money Jim had saved by not paying for my plane ticket was clearly sunk into this hotel room. It was amazing. Jim was grinning when he saw my face. "Nice, right?"
"Oh god, what did this cost?"
"Don't worry," he said, "if I lose enough money at the poker tables, I'm sure they'll comp us the room."
It was time for dinner, but I had to go around and admire the room for a little while. It was gigantic and there was a Jacuzzi in the bathroom. I've never been in a Jacuzzi and the thought of going in there with Jim made me all tingly.
We skipped past the buffet dinners and Jim took me to a restaurant, which was also achingly expensive. I mean, Jim doesn't take me to cheap restaurants most of the time, but these prices literally made me gasp. But it was so romantic, getting a little private table with candles on it. Jim looked so cute in the candlelight, all pleased with himself for picking the place.
"You should get the lobster," he told me. "I read the reviews for this place and they said it's unparalleled."
"Are you getting a lobster?"
"Me?" Jim snorted and held up his hands. "You really want to see me attempt to crack open a lobster? I don't think so. Besides, I'm a man. I have to get a steak or else you won't respect me."
I looked around the restaurant, at all the candles and couples slobbering all over each other. And a thought hit me: is Jim going to propose? He'd been making so many hints about the future and now we were here in romantic Vegas in this super romantic restaurant. What if he was planning to ask me to marry him? My stomach turned into a little knot.
But Jim didn't propose, at least not during that dinner. I was part relieved and part disappointed.
When we got to the hotel room, Jim and I couldn't keep our hands off each other, even more than usual. I rode in his lap down the hall and he was so anxious, he couldn't get the keycard to open the door to the room. He kept dropping it. I gave it a try and finally, on my fourth attempt, we got in.
We ended up having the most intense sex of our entire relationship. Jim wanted me so bad that when he was faced with the buttons on my shirt, he ripped through them with his teeth. That was a first. He laughed and told me sorry, but then went back to licking and sucking on my skin and getting under my bra. On my part, I focused on the things Jim loves, like sucking on his earlobes. Jim goes totally wild when I suck on his earlobes.
When I say we had sex, I mean he went down on me and I did things for him. We do have regular vaginal intercourse, but not as much as the other stuff. I think it frustrates Jim a little bit that he doesn't have much control during intercourse, and as I've said before, he gives amazing oral sex. I came harder than I think I've ever come in my entire life.
"You want to go again?" Jim asked me, toying with my hair. "I think there are a few old deaf people in the casino who might not have heard you."
I smacked him and he laughed at me. Then I took him up on his offer.
The next day, Jim did a little gambling. He played poker in the casino of our hotel and I hung around and watched. I was worried that I might cramp his style, but he assured me he wanted me to stay. "You're my eye candy," he said.
He was pretty good, I guess. I don't know anything about poker, but he seemed to be winning money. As far as I know, he hadn't been to a casino while we were dating, but he seemed pretty experienced at the game. I suspected he'd played a lot. "You ever lose your shirt?" I asked him.
"No, I always remained fully clothed," he replied. More seriously, he said, "I don't bet what I can't afford."
It seemed like Jim was more interested in having fun than anything, so I concluded he probably didn't have a gambling problem. Actually, what he was even better at than poker was flirting with the waitresses. I wouldn't say that Jim is a huge flirt or anything, but he always flirts with waitresses and they always flirt back. It's like his biggest weakness. I remember him saying that Molly was a waitress and that doesn't surprise me at all. I tried not to let it bother me, even though the waitresses at the casino were really attractive.
That night, Jim suggested we give the Jacuzzi a go. I've never been in a Jacuzzi before and I was psyched, but I was also kind of nervous. I had been fiddling with the light switch in the bathroom and I couldn't get it to dim. So there were only two options: bright lights or complete darkness. We couldn't exactly be in the Jacuzzi in complete darkness, so we were stuck with bright lights.
It's not like Jim and I hadn't seen each other naked a hundred times before, but not in that kind of harsh light. It made me nervous. When I look at myself naked in the light of my bedroom, it's not flattering. I didn't want Jim to see me like that.
My solution was to get undressed really quickly while Jim was in the bedroom and lower myself into the water before he got in. Even with the harsh lights, most of my body was concealed and distorted by the water. "Come on in," I called to Jim.
He wheeled into the bathroom and he was naked too. As I said, I've seen Jim naked a hundred times before, but never in this kind of light. When he's sitting in his wheelchair, fully dressed, he more or less just looks like a normal guy in a wheelchair. But sitting there naked, his body completely exposed from his curled hands to his atrophied legs, he really looked crippled. I remember in grade school, there were some kids in the special classes who had cerebral palsy, and I couldn't help but think of that. I had to look away.
"What's wrong?" Jim asked.
"Um," I said. I couldn't tell him the truth.
I think he knew though. I guess he had an idea what he looked like. "Do you want me to get dressed?" he asked. "We don't have to do this."
I was kind of shocked he said that. I instantly felt really guilty. Jim had never implied that I was anything short of beautiful. What would it say about me if I couldn't overlook some flaws in his body?
"No, come on in," I said.
Jim grinned at me and lowered himself into the water, feet first. Submerged in the water, he looked like his usual very sexy self again. I crawled across the Jacuzzi and lowered myself on top of him. And let's just say, I can cross sex in a Jacuzzi off my list of things I've never done.
On our last day in Vegas, Jim and I went to the wax museum. I don't remember too much of it, considering Jim kept pulling me into his lap to make out. Honestly, I've never dated a guy who couldn't keep his hands off me like this. He's so affectionate. It's really flattering.
The crazy thing about Vegas is how many wedding chapels there are around. It's almost hard to get out of Vegas without getting married. I think Jim noticed I was eying the chapels because he said to me: "Getting any ideas?"
"No," I lied.
"Too bad," he said. He was smiling, but there was also something serious about him. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside that he actually was thinking about marrying me and sharing a future with me. This was all a first for me. All the guys I'd been out with before just acted like they were killing time with me, trying to get laid on the way. Jim isn't like that. Even from the beginning, he always let me know that he was very serious about me. About us.
Anyway, Jim drove me to my apartment from the San Francisco airport and here I am, gushing about my trip instead of getting a good night's sleep. Oh well. Nighty night.