The next day, I call his direct office number while I’m at work. And again, he doesn’t pick up. Now even though Will is very busy, he always, always has picked up when I called him on his direct office line in the past. Unless he’s in a meeting. Maybe that’s it. Maybe he’s in a meeting.
Finally, I’m losing my mind so I call his secretary Joan. I like Joan. She’s one of these sweet, middle aged women who kind of sees Will as a surrogate son and she’s always looking after him. He says she’s a great secretary too. I figure that Joan will help me out and tell me what’s going on.
Thank god, Joan picks up the phone, which is the first person who’s answered the phone in all my attempts since last night. “William Caplan’s office,” Joan chirps.
“Hi,” I say, feeling suddenly very nervous. I lower my voice so my own boss can’t hear me. “Joan, it’s Libby. Is Will available?”
There’s a long pause on the other line. Finally, Joan says, “No, Libby, he’s not.”
“Well, do you know when he’ll be around?” I ask. I feel a large lump forming in my throat.
“Libby,” she says. Her voice is gentle. If it weren’t, I would definitely start crying right now. “I don’t think he wants to talk to you.”
“Is that what he said?”
“Yes.”
That’s it. I start crying now. It doesn’t matter that I’m at my desk and any second Harvey will come out and pump me for details. I can’t believe I screwed up this badly.
“Libby, honey,” Joan says. “Calm down. Look, he’s just angry. But… I know he loves you. Whatever happened between the two of you can’t be that bad.”
She doesn’t know what I did. If she knew, she’d probably be hanging up on me right now.
“Can you tell him I called?” I ask in a small voice.
“Of course,” Joan says. “Libby, he was absolutely crazy about you. I swear he’ll call you back real soon.”
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Another week goes by and Will still doesn’t call me back.
I deserve this. I know I do. I had a guy who thought the world of me and I cheated on him right in his own apartment. And then he was actually willing to forgive me, and I told him I didn’t want him. When I think about it, I was stupid for even thinking that there was a chance Will might take me back.
I’ve left messages on Will’s answering machine, gushy ones telling him exactly how I feel. I stopped by his apartment but his doorman told me he wasn’t there. I actually considered camping out in front of his apartment in order to catch him, but I’m not quite that desperate. Yet.
I call Mia in tears. “I just want things to go back to the way they were,” I sob.
“I know,” Mia says. “But sometimes that’s not possible.”
“Do you think Will is going to ever forgive me?”
Mia is quiet for a long time. “Yes, I do. I think he still loves you.”
“You do?” I want to believe what she’s saying so badly, but I don’t. “Then why is he doing this to me?”
“Because you made him suffer,” she says. “And he’s pissed off at you.”
She’s right. I was such a bitch to Will. But I’m not sure she’s right that he’ll take me back. “Mia,” I say, “there’s something else I didn’t tell you.”
“Oh god. Who else did you cheat on him with?”
I deserved that. “No,” I say. “There’s someone else. For him. There’s this woman at work, this really pretty lawyer, who is interested in him. Jude told me that… that he saw them going home together since we broke up.”
I want Mia to reassure me again, but she doesn’t. “I don’t know what to say, Libby,” she says. “You knew you were taking a risk. Maybe Will really has moved on.” She pauses and her voice softens: “But for your sake, I hope he hasn’t.”
You and me both, Mia.
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I’ve decided that enough is enough and I’m going to take drastic action. I’m not going to sit around and twiddle my thumbs while Diane sinks her claws deeper and deeper into my boyfriend. I’m going to see Will one way or another.
I decide that the best way is to catch him at work. I’ve been to see him so many times that the security guards all know me by now, and just wave me through. Of course, the risk is that Will could be in a meeting or he could have Joan not let me in. But I’ve decided I’m not going to take no for an answer. Joan can’t stop me from pushing into his office. I could totally take Joan in a fight. And if he’s in a meeting… well, I guess I’ll probably wait. But he can’t stay in a meeting all day.
I’ve got a whole speech prepared for when I see him. It starts out “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life” and goes on from there, pretty much reiterating that thought over and over in increasingly flowery language. Okay, it’s not Shakespeare. But I think Will is going to get the point. The point being that I love him. And I made a huge mistake, but I still want to share my life with him.
I cut out from work early, knowing that Will always stays fairly late at his office. As expected, the security guards wave me through, and I board the elevator, my heart thumping in my chest. I haven’t seen Will in weeks now and I’m actually shaking with anticipation.
“Libby!”
I look up and am suddenly face to face with the infamous Diane. She’s wearing a chic black suit with a short skirt and a long jacket. She has an amazing figure. I could be wearing whole-body Spanx and not look half that good. She’s got this silky black hair that’s swept back in what I think is a chignon, but what the hell do I know? “Diane,” I murmur. “Hello.”
“You must be here to see Jude,” Diane says. She cocks her head sympathetically. “I heard about you and Will. That you broke up.”
I mumble something not very nice that I hope is incoherent.
“I’m sure Jude told you that Will and I went out together,” Diane says. “I hope you don’t mind.”
“Actually, I do mind,” I hear myself saying.
For a moment, Diane looks surprised at my nerve. But she quickly regains her composure and smiles pleasantly at me. “Actually,” she says, “I don’t really give a shit if you mind.”
Well, duh.
“I’m not sure why Will was even dating you in the first place,” she continues. “You’re… what? A secretary?” She laughs. “Will’s one of the smartest men I’ve ever met. Do you think you could even hold up your end of the conversation with him? He was probably bored out of his mind with you.”
“He wasn’t,” I say. But I feel myself getting nervous. What if he really was bored with me? But… he couldn’t have been. He wanted me to move in with him, for god’s sake.
“He was blinded by your blond hair,” Diane says with a smirk. “But now that you’re out of his system, he realizes what a big mistake it would have been to move in with you. He never really loved you.”
I feel my face getting red. “That’s what you think, huh?”
“No,” Diane says. “That’s what Will told me.”
Well, that shuts me up. With almost impeccable timing, the doors to the elevator open and Diane sashays out, flashing me a big grin just before the doors shut in my face.
Fuck.
When the elevator gets to Will’s floor, my legs feel too weak to even move. I force myself to get off, but I keep hearing Diane’s voice in my head. He never really loved you. If that’s true, what am I even doing here? I’m just going to make a huge fool out of myself.
He never really loved you.
Maybe Diane was lying. But the truth is, she didn’t seem like she was lying. What she was saying rang true. Will is an attorney and a brilliant man. I’m nothing. I’m worse than nothing. I’m a cheating bitch.
I’m going to go home.
I ring for the elevator again. Will’s never going to find out I was here. I’m going to let him move on with his life, find a girl who’s better suited for him. I really hope that girl’s not Diane, but I guess if it is, it is. I’m probably going to spend tonight crying, but I guess it’s better this way. For both of us. Well, at least for one of us.
“Libby? What are you doing here?”
I look up and of course, there he is. Will.
“Oh, hi,” I say.
He’s staring at me. Jude works two floors down so he knows I’m not here to see Jude. Unless I’m hopelessly lost, which is possible considering how dumb he apparently thinks I am.
“What are you doing here?” he repeats.
“Um,” I say. Stalling for time. “I have some business… for… my boss.”
“Yeah, what?”
Shit. “It’s, um, confidential.”
“Right,” Will says. “Confidential.”
I turn to look at him. Honestly, he looks like shit. His white shirt is wrinkled and his hair is sticking up a bit. I can actually see purple circles under his eyes, which I can tell are slightly bloodshot even through his glasses. Is this what I did to him? I feel my own eyes start to fill with tears. “Will,” I say, but before I can say anything else, I’m outright crying.
“God, Libby,” he says. “Get in my office. Now.”
I follow him as he wheels quickly down the hall, and we slip into his office, shutting the door behind us. He gestures at the chair in front of my desk and I collapse into it, my shoulders shaking with huge, wracking sobs. He hands me a tissue from a box on his desk and sits in front of me, his arms folded, waiting for me to calm down. It takes a while.
“I’m sorry,” I finally say.
“For what?” Will asks. His voice isn’t kind. “For cheating on me? For dumping me? For making a scene in the hall outside my office?”
I don’t know what to say. It’s not like I can deny having done any of those things. Wow, I really suck.
He sighs. “So why are you here? Really.”
My speech. If I’m ever going to give it, now is the time. Maybe he’s not going to take me back, but I should at least say my piece. I take a deep breath. “Will,” I say, “I love you more than…”
Shit, now I’m crying again.
He hands me another tissue, but this time his fingers linger on mine. “Libby,” he says. “Come on. Stop crying.”
“I do love you though,” I say, lifting my eyes to meet his. “I really do.”
Will doesn’t say anything.
“And you hate me,” I say.
“I don’t hate you.”
“You do,” I insist.
“No, I don’t.”
“Then how come you’re not answering my calls?”
“Because I’m fucking pissed off at you, that’s why,” he snaps. “You fucking cheated on me with my friend in my own home! I don’t know how I could ever trust you again.” His face is red now. “And then, idiot that I was, I was actually ready to take you back. But you didn’t want me. You only wanted him.”
I wipe my eyes with the balled up tissue Will gave me. “Diane told me that you said you never really loved me.”
“I never said that.”
“That’s what she said.”
“Diane and I went out for a drink,” he says. “I told her what you did and that I was angry. But I never said I didn’t love you. I did love you. Very, very much.”
“And how about now?”
I hear only the whirr of the air conditioner as I wait for Will’s answer. It seems like my entire life is contingent on his response to this question. Does he still love me? If he doesn’t, then it’s over. I don’t have a chance.
“Yeah,” he finally says. “I guess I do.”
Thank fucking god.
I reach out and take his hand in mine. He’s stiffens at first, but then his fingers relax. I can see on his face that he’s not quite ready to forgive me, but that he will. Eventually. I lean forward and kiss him, and just like with his hand, he stiffens at first but then relaxes and lets me climb onto his lap.
“I missed you so much,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry, Will. I just panicked because things were moving so fast. I’m an idiot.”
Will pulls me close to his body and kisses my neck. “I want to prove to you,” he says, “that it can be as hot with me as it is with Jude.”
“You don’t have to prove that to me,” I say, because the truth is that it’s a million times better with Will than with Jude. Because I actually love him.
He shoves a bunch of papers off his desk, then grabs me by the waist and hoists me onto the surface of the desk. Despite the drying tears on my cheeks, I feel a thrill of excitement. We’ve never fooled around in his office before. I moan with anticipation as he lifts my skirt and pulls down my panties. He lowers his head and I feel that familiar amazing sensation of his tongue on my clitoris that I’ve missed so desperately the last few weeks.
I’m on the brink of orgasm when Will lifts his head. I almost scream in frustration, but then he grabs me again and I realize he’s unzipped his pants and has been getting himself hard. He lifts me onto his lap so that I’m straddling him in his wheelchair and with a bit of maneuvering, he plunges inside me. He holds my thighs with his hands, controlling my movements as he goes deeper inside me. As much as I’ve fantasized about having sex with him in his wheelchair, this is so much better than I imagined.
I finally have my orgasm, one of those intense, bone-shattering ones, and when it’s over, I collapse against him. I’ve soaked my own shirt with sweat and his too. I feel his hands slide up my back, rubbing my spine gently. “That was amazing,” I whisper.
“This doesn’t mean I’m not still angry at you,” he whispers back.
“I can make it up to you,” I say, leaning in to kiss his neck.
“Oh yeah? What’re you going to do?”
“Well,” I say, still kissing his neck. He moans slightly. “I can let you win at SuperMario.”
“Whatever,” Will snorts. “You suck at SuperMario. You couldn’t even get to level three without my help.”
I bite his earlobe and he yelps and then groans as I start sucking on it. “Well, maybe then I need to think of another way to make it up to you.” I move my lips back down to his neck. “But I will make it up to you. Even if it takes a million years.”
“Take your time,” Will grins and he sinks down in his wheelchair as I commence making it up to him for the rest of our lives.
To be continued....